Gay Voices (in a literal, not metaphorical, sense)

[peroxidepirate]

This is something I've been pondering, on and off, for a while: most everybody recognizes the "gay male voice" as a cultural trope. But is there a female equivalent? More thoughts, some restaurant stories & a poll under the cut.

First of all, apologies to bisexual and trans readers for the fact that I talk about both gender and sexual orientation as dualities throughout this entry. I know it's not that simple. Truth is, it's not that simple for me. But I'm mostly addressing the perception of sexual orientation, and we're usually perceived as either Normal or Other at any given time. Also, I'm just pulling this out of my ass, so please nobody take this too seriously.

A couple of months ago, I was hanging out with some co-workers, eating my lunch, near the host stand. A customer came in, had a conversation with the host, and was duly led to a table. The host, who happens to be gay, came back and said to one of the waiters who was hanging out -- who's also gay -- "What do you think, is he on our team?"

The waiter replied, "Oh yeah. I wasn't sure at first, but then he was like," mimicking the guy's tone of voice, "'There might be four of us. There might be, mmm, seven,' and..."

The host laughed. "Yeah, that totally gave it away."

My response was, "It's no fair that there's no dead giveaway like that for girls." Straight tomboys tend to hate being mistaken for lesbians, and I was burned by that several times when I was younger. So I'm very reluctant to publicly assume any woman is gay even if I think she is.

Then, a few days later, I was in the kitchen with my back to the door, chopping carrots or something. Somebody behind me asked for a side of salsa. I thought it was the girl I've had a crush on for the past four months, but when I turned around, it was another waitress. Who I don't know very well, hadn't (at that point) had an actual conversation with, and doesn't actually sound very much like my crush. But I mistook one woman's voice for the other, and I never doubted that the second waitress was gay, too.

Then I started thinking about some other things, which I'm gonna throw out here in no particular pattern:

The "gay male voice" is a learned behavior, and it's sometimes really obvious and sometimes fairly subtle. I had guy friends in high school who didn't sound "gay" at all, but then picked up the voice once they came out in college. I know men whose sexual orientation isn't obvious unless they want it to be, who selectively use the "gay voice" as a gesture of solidarity with each other (as happened a bit in the first anecdote above). But I know others who "sound gay" all the time, because -- learned or not -- that's what feels natural to them now.

I'm a chef, and I don't interact with customers all that much. But I've had a series of second jobs on top of that, many of which are customer service based. And I realized a while ago that when I'm doing the customer service thing, my voice changes. It gets higher, brighter, and there's something else I can't explain that changes a little bit. I don't know why, except that I worked crap retail jobs for a long time when I was younger, and I guess I learned I get a better response from customers if I'm that particular kind of cheerful and "normal." But it doesn't feel like I'm being myself. If my coworkers at these jobs find out I'm gay, they're usually surprised. At my main job, I get shit done, first and foremost, and don't worry much about what people think of me; I'm just myself. I've never done the official "coming out" thing and I no longer have rainbows stuck all over my stuff, but my coworkers there are more likely to be surprised to learn that I have dated men.

I may have mentioned that I live with my best friend, who's straight. We've been friends and roommates for a very long time; we're more like sisters than anything else. People who know her first almost always understand that right away. People who know me first, excepting women I flirt with, almost always assume that she's my girlfriend. I don't know why this happens. I'm not *that* butch, and my roommie isn't particularly girly. Based on appearance, I wouldn't expect relative strangers to be able to peg either of our sexual orientation with particular accuracy, but they almost always do. So it must be something else.

All of which make me wonder if the voice is a signal for women, too, albeit less blatantly than it often is for men.

What do you think?

[Poll #1486811]


Also: my flist isn't that big, so feel free to link this post if you think your flist or any comms would be interested. I'm an amateur cultural anthropologist collecting data, folks! The more participation, the better.

Comments

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

My impression is that what you call the "gay male voice" isn't so much a sign of being gay, as a sign of participating in a specific cultural tradition. People who aren't exposed to that culture wouldn't adopt the voice.

Though having said that, I'd be interested to know if gay men in, say, Japan or Madagascar or Guyana speak in a distinctive way too...



As for women: my personal experience is that there isn't a distinctive lesbian voice, but there is a distinctive lesbian haircut. :-) Or at least there was when I was at Uni; things may have moved on since then.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

As for women: my personal experience is that there isn't a distinctive lesbian voice, but there is a distinctive lesbian haircut. :-)

The mullet? Are you talking about the mullet? Please say no.

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

More like this:



although her top is too brightly-coloured for her to be a real lesbian.

I'm probably going to hell for saying that.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah. That's definitely a lesbian haircut. And you're also right that her brightly-colored top gives her away as straight. Yeppers.

Now how much time did you spend browsing through online hairstyle galleries to find that? ;)

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

Now how much time did you spend browsing through online hairstyle galleries to find that? ;)

I don't "browse online hairstyle galleries" at all, because it would violate the straight guy sexual code. :-p

On the other hand, if you do a Google Image search for "short spiky hair", this image comes on the first row of results.

[gabrielleabelle.livejournal.com]

*does Google Image search*

Ah. So it does. How nifty. :)

[peroxidepirate.livejournal.com]

*wish* my hair would do that ever in life when I cut it short.

You think it's the color of the top? Not the style? Cuz... I have some stuff that color.

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

Well, I was focussing on the colour because that caught my eye - but yes, strappy off-the-shoulder cleavage-revealing tops aren't really something I associate with lesbians much either. At least, not while they're in public places where I'm likely to meet them...

[peroxidepirate.livejournal.com]

Right, I just got distracted by the discussion/picture about the distinctive lesbian haircut. Oops.

Responding to the rest of your comment...

"what you call the "gay male voice" isn't so much a sign of being gay, as a sign of participating in a specific cultural tradition... I'd be interested to know if gay men in, say, Japan or Madagascar or Guyana speak in a distinctive way too"

Yeah, it's definitely part of the English-speaking (or just American? Not even sure) gay culture, not something intrinsically tied to being a gay man. I'd expect other cultures that consider sexual orientation a definitive trait could also have some kind of (more or less accurate) indicator, but it could just as easily be something else. And I'm very sure that if there is a tone of voice or speech pattern in, say, Japanese (or even Spanish, which I hear all the time) that identifies a man as gay, I wouldn't recognize it.

Plus, plenty of cultures don't even have the categories of gay/straight/bi, so... yeah. Cultural studies-type post has cultural bias. Which I think is what I meant by saying that the whole voice thing is learned: it's not automatic; it comes (consciously or unconsciously) from being part of the culture that employs it.

[framefolly.livejournal.com]

Here by way of gabrielleabelle.

There is definitely a set of stereotypical cultural signifiers for gay men in traditional Chinese culture. They are supposed to lisp more; lick, purse, and otherwise move their lips more while not speaking and chewing; gaze people/things through the corners of their eyes or through lashes; flop their wrists more; and prefer to wear finer fabrics in brighter colors with more embroidery. And they are often devotees of Chinese opera (which traditionally grooms beautiful young men to play the female parts; several of the above mannerisms are diluted versions of stage gestures for femininity).

Some of these clearly overlap with contemporary American stereotypes, others less so...

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's definitely part of the English-speaking (or just American? Not even sure) gay culture

Definitely British too, dating back at least to the 60s and 70s, possibly earlier - I'm thinking of people like Frankie Howerd and John Inman.