Ficlet: I'm Not Her (Buffy, PG, ~500 words)

[peroxidepirate]

Title: I'm Not Her
Rating: PG
Fandom: Buffy
Disclaimer: These characters and their universe are not owned by me.
Characters: Dawn/Xander
Summary: Very short Dawn/Xander fluff, based around a conversation they have to have. Contains very minor spoilers for S8 up to issue 26.



Note: Depending on what happens in the next couple of issues, this is either S8 AU, or just a little between-the-episodes scene. I wasn't sure I liked this pairing at first -- I still like Faith/Dawn an awful lot, canon sexual orientations be damned -- but this is growing on me.



I'd saved his life before and he'd saved mine, sure, but that time was different. Maybe it's because I was in my own body again, instead of being fifty feet tall or having a horse's ass or being a creepy little doll. Maybe it was something that built up for months, and I would have noticed it sooner if hadn't been for that stupid spell.

As soon as we were safe, that day, I just about fell into Xander's arms. He hugged me tight. That shouldn't have meant anything, either. But there was something different about it this time. I was shaking, and I didn't want to let him go.

"Oh god, Dawn," he whispered into my hair. I looked up at the same time that he looked down, and we almost bumped noses. Then we kissed.

I remember thinking that he was a great kisser -- but of course he would be, because it's not like Anya or Cordelia to put up with a less than fantastic performance.

Then I started to get woozy from everything that had happened: the adrenaline of the fight, the fact that I hadn't eaten all day, and now, the way all the blood was leaving my brain. I guess it must have been even worse for him.

My legs collapsed under me, and Xander was holding up both our weight. That lasted a minute or two, and then his knees buckled and we kind of sunk down to the ground.

He sighed, stretching out on the grass. "That feels good," he said softly.

My hair fell down around us, brushing his cheeks and blocking out everything else. "Does it?"

He kissed me again.

"Yeah," he said, eventually. His arms were tight around me, and he moved his mouth to my neck. That felt pretty great, too. "You're amazing."

I just wanted to let him keep kissing me, but there was this weird reverence in the last words he'd said. I peeled myself away from him, and pushed up on my arms far enough that I could look him in the eye. "I'm not her."

We stared at each other for a long time. I knew it was a mistake to say anything, but I had to know what he was thinking.

I'm not her. I'm just her kid sister. And now he remembers, and it's all over.

I shifted, rolled onto the grass, and sat up.

"We'd better get back."

"Dawn, wait." He sat up too, and his hand was strong but gentle on my arm. I turned around to look at him.

"You're not her," he agreed. "But you remind me of her, sometimes. The way you don't let people push you around. The way you're never afraid to tell it like you see it. The way even though I know you're nineteen, sometimes I can tell you're also a million years old." He kinda smiled, even though he still looked really sad. "She was like that. I guess I miss it. I'm sorry."

Anya. He hadn't been thinking about my sister at all.

I threw my arms around Xander and kissed him, hard. "You're amazing," I said, stifling a laugh. We fell back onto the ground again, still kissing.

When we finally stopped, he didn't look sad anymore. He looked amazed and pleased, again. "What just happened?"

I grinned. "You passed a test."

He blinked. Or, you know, maybe winked. "Do I get a prize?"

"Yes." I kissed him again. "You do."
 

Comments

[stormwreath.livejournal.com]

Awww. That was also amazing. :-) (Like Dawn, I also assumed Xander was talking about Buffy there... but you're right, they both have their own individual hang-ups they bring to the table.)

[peroxidepirate.livejournal.com]

Glad you liked it! I don't think it comes through in the fic (cause I was in too much of a hurry to post it *grin*), but in my mind, Xander really was only thinking about Dawn until she mentioned another girl. And then he thought of Anya.