Meta: TiMER
Nov. 9th, 2010 07:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
peroxidepirateI want TiMER fic so bad, even though I hate the premise of the film. (When implanted in a person's wrist, a TiMER counts down to the day the wearer finds true love. But Oona O'Leary faces the rare dilemma of a blank TiMER. Her soul mate - whoever and wherever he is - has yet to have a TiMER implanted. Staring down the barrel of thirty and tired of waiting for her would-be life partner to get off the dime, Oona breaks her own rules and falls for Mikey, a charming and inappropriately young supermarket clerk with a countdown of four months.)
Truth be told, I only watched it because Netflix happened to advertise it on a night I was too tired to think, and I figured the prettiness of Emma Caulfield would at least partly make up for was sure to be a dismally disastrous story. But it was much better, and massively more thought-provoking, than I expected.
Why I hate the premise, or, Nicki's FriendShip Manifesto: I don't believe in soulmates or True Love. I don't believe in forever. I don't believe in One Right Answer. I believe in possibilities, in likelihoods, in choices. I believe in making the best of the best you can find at any given time. I believe in love, full stop. Love doesn't have to be lasting to be true, nor does it have to be exclusive, nor even romantic. It does have to be honest, and respectful of the person it's directed toward. For most people in many situations, that means monogamous, lasting, romantic love. For me -- for now -- it means sharing my life with my best friend, and building a support network with other friends who I also love, whether I see them every day or once a month or never.
How would any of that show up on a TiMER?
But the movie has more depth than I was expecting. It acknowledges that sometimes love is more complicated than a fairytale romance, that sometimes even a promise on a TiMER doesn't tell the whole story.
The best part of the film, for me, is the relationship between Oona and her step-sister/best friend, Steph (who isn't even mentioned in the summary quoted above). For fifteen years, they've each been the other's match. That's no less valid, given the platonic nature of their relationship. Nor is it canceled out by the fact that one of them finds her (male, hetero, guaranteed-by-TiMER-to-last-until-death) "soul mate" by the end of the film.
When I say I want TiMER fic, I want fic about Oona and Steph: about the first time they met, the first time they realized they were best friends, their decision to be roommates as adults -- or a discussion of whether "fate" absolves one of them for hurting the other at the end of the film (hint: it doesn't).
The other reason I watched this movie is that Aurora completely buys the idea of soulmates, and I don't get it. As close as she and I are, as much as we once swore that nothing and no one would ever undercut our friendship, I know: if/when she meets The One, he'll pwn all else. It took a long time and a lot of (friendly, but still stress-inducing) debates before we've come to the conclusion that we're just not going to see this the same way. We're just not built the same, in this. And that's okay. Maybe that means she has a soulmate out there somewhere... while I have a kickass collection of friends, and I've had some relationships that brought me joy even if they didn't last. I don't believe a relationship is worth more because it lasts longer or worth less because its shorter, but it took me a while to discern that the key is "bringing joy and richness to each others' lives, now." I used to describe it as, "having fun together, now," and of course that's part of it. But the bigger picture, the part that's important about some relationships of different forms and different durations, is the joy you bring each other.
Truth be told, I only watched it because Netflix happened to advertise it on a night I was too tired to think, and I figured the prettiness of Emma Caulfield would at least partly make up for was sure to be a dismally disastrous story. But it was much better, and massively more thought-provoking, than I expected.
Why I hate the premise, or, Nicki's FriendShip Manifesto: I don't believe in soulmates or True Love. I don't believe in forever. I don't believe in One Right Answer. I believe in possibilities, in likelihoods, in choices. I believe in making the best of the best you can find at any given time. I believe in love, full stop. Love doesn't have to be lasting to be true, nor does it have to be exclusive, nor even romantic. It does have to be honest, and respectful of the person it's directed toward. For most people in many situations, that means monogamous, lasting, romantic love. For me -- for now -- it means sharing my life with my best friend, and building a support network with other friends who I also love, whether I see them every day or once a month or never.
How would any of that show up on a TiMER?
But the movie has more depth than I was expecting. It acknowledges that sometimes love is more complicated than a fairytale romance, that sometimes even a promise on a TiMER doesn't tell the whole story.
The best part of the film, for me, is the relationship between Oona and her step-sister/best friend, Steph (who isn't even mentioned in the summary quoted above). For fifteen years, they've each been the other's match. That's no less valid, given the platonic nature of their relationship. Nor is it canceled out by the fact that one of them finds her (male, hetero, guaranteed-by-TiMER-to-last-until-death) "soul mate" by the end of the film.
When I say I want TiMER fic, I want fic about Oona and Steph: about the first time they met, the first time they realized they were best friends, their decision to be roommates as adults -- or a discussion of whether "fate" absolves one of them for hurting the other at the end of the film (hint: it doesn't).
The other reason I watched this movie is that Aurora completely buys the idea of soulmates, and I don't get it. As close as she and I are, as much as we once swore that nothing and no one would ever undercut our friendship, I know: if/when she meets The One, he'll pwn all else. It took a long time and a lot of (friendly, but still stress-inducing) debates before we've come to the conclusion that we're just not going to see this the same way. We're just not built the same, in this. And that's okay. Maybe that means she has a soulmate out there somewhere... while I have a kickass collection of friends, and I've had some relationships that brought me joy even if they didn't last. I don't believe a relationship is worth more because it lasts longer or worth less because its shorter, but it took me a while to discern that the key is "bringing joy and richness to each others' lives, now." I used to describe it as, "having fun together, now," and of course that's part of it. But the bigger picture, the part that's important about some relationships of different forms and different durations, is the joy you bring each other.
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Date: 2010-11-10 01:26 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-11-10 01:43 pm (UTC)