Nicki's Lair

I needed this today.

2014-07-11T02:18:50Z

Found on Tumblr, http://peroxidepirate.tumblr.com/post/91408213924/1-when-he-starts-distancing-himself-from-you-do

"1. When he starts distancing himself from you, do not restring bridges with your own sinew. You will find yourself two months later coming unraveled, coming undone. You will find he has left you in the places he has visited and in the hair of the girls he has imagined kissing. You will find yourself splatterpainted on the walls where while drunk he confessed all of your secrets to his college friends. You will be crying on the floor, surrounded by the parts of you he has stepped on, and he will look you in the eyes and ask you to clean up the mess.

2. When she cannot get through the words “I love you” without her eyes flicking to the side or her tongue slurring or her mouth pressing in at the edges: do not assume it is your fault. Do not think that you have yet again pushed away someone amazing. You have not. Sometimes people knock on their bones and find themselves hollow. You were the only way they felt momentarily whole, do not empty yourself to fill up their soul. Do not shatter into pieces trying to perfect yourself. You do not need to be glass to turn light into rainbows. You are a person, not their prism.

3. Do not let them hold you against their body if you know they do not cherish every second they are in contact with your skin. I know it feels as if you are breaking your own spine, but tear yourself away from them. Know that the something beautiful you had was already fading. Know that in the end you did the only thing you could. Sometimes people grow apart. Even trees do it.

4. Cry. Want them back.

5. Cry. Do not take them back.

6. In the following months, you will rediscover what it means to be alone. You will sit and stare at a ceiling and hate yourself and hate the world and cry about everything because everything hurts. You will wonder if it could have gotten better if you’d just been a little different, if the timing had worked out, if if if. Do not worry about this. Nothing would have changed the reality that the person you were in love with had stopped loving you somewhere along the line, whether it was in the middle of a conversation or while driving under a bridge or when they made eye contact with someone new and wonderful. It doesn’t matter. Stop wasting your time on them. You don’t need to stop your story just because they are no longer a main character. Do not take back what has already poisoned you. Instead start healing and start healing soon.

7. Take yourself back. Bring out the mop, the broom, the magic wand. Glue where needs to be glued, put up new paint, turn off the lights in places that are too hot to touch. Touch your toes. Touch your hair. Touch a dog. Touch the grass, touch the telephone, do not call him. Touch base with your mom. Touch another person with no love in your heart, touch another person and mean every second of it. Believe in yourself even if you don’t believe in love. It’s okay. There is nothing wrong with being alone. You are the best company you’ll ever know. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay and none of this was ever your fault. Sometimes people just fall out of love. It’s okay. It’s okay. You’ll one day discover you didn’t need them anyway."

—

"How to stop loving someone who does not love you." /// r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Oh FUCK THIS. FUCK EVERYTHING. I HATE EVERYTHING.

… I, um, really needed to see this list today.

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WE DID IT!

2012-11-08T02:13:45Z

Wednesday.
The day after election day.

GODS BE PRAISED, WE DID IT!

Barack Obama won the presidential election so solidly that *even recounts or flipped results in Florida AND Ohio wouldn't undo his victory*. Democrats hold the senate. Rape apologists and unchecked misogynists got voted out in multiple races. Puerto Rico voted to move toward statehood. Three more states (Maine, Maryland and Washington) legalized same sex marriage and one (Minnesota) voted not to illegalize it in their state constitution. A bunch of places legalized marijuana. There's going to be a gay (female) senator, a pansexual congresswoman, a(nother?) gay congressman, an Asian American female senator, a disabled combat veteran congresswoman, and probably some more I'm forgetting just now.

Republicans hold the house, by a sizable margin. I like to think this is because Democrats chose to throw their resources into holding what they already had (senate and white house) rather than trying to take something new. So there's a possibility that the partisan political gridlock will continue. But then again it may not; now that Obama doesn't have to be concerned with maintaining or increasing his odds of winning reelection, he might be able to push harder. I think the democratic majority in the senate is stronger now, too.

More importantly, more largely, this election has shown that there is a rock bottom level of basic decency and fairness that the American electorate is willing to accept, and when candidates fall below that point, they lose. Romney's unwillingness to take a solid stand on ANYTHING except, "I am not Obama so vote for me!!1!" Romney's and Ryan's outright lies. Damn near every male right-wing politician who said anything about rape during campaign season. Mind, this bottom point is still several stages lower than it ought to be, but it's THERE, and that gives me hope.

Closer to home, it looks like Michigan rejected all six of our proposed state constitutional amendments: we didn't entrench the right of public employees to unionize and we didn't promise to get 25% of our energy from renewable sources, both of which make me sad. But we also didn't expand the power of the governor to appoint non-elected "emergency managers" and oust local elected officials; we didn't vote to require a statewide vote with a 2/3 majority before the legislature can increase taxes; and we didn't vote to require a statewide vote every time someone wants to build a new bridge or tunnel to Canada, all of which make me very pleased. (The emergency managers one is just wrong and I can't wait for a high court to find that kind of thing unconstitutional, but meanwhile I'd rather Detroit not be the test case. The 2/3 majority on taxes would have pretty much guaranteed the legislature would never be able to spend money again, which gets in the way of governing. And the bit about bridges just isn't something that needs to be codified in our constitution or decided by public vote.) I never did decide how I felt about the last proposal, which would have unionized all home healthcare workers in the state -- generally I think unions are good idea, but I'm not sure this is the way to go about it -- so I'm not upset that this one lost too.

My immediate area is solidly democratic, so there were no surprises there. We seem to have defeated a ridiculously expensive library proposal -- again -- which suits me fine: I'm in favor of spending money on library resources, but this was something like $65 million for a new *building* to literally replace a perfectly functional building of the same square footage in the same location. If Bill Gates offered us a grant to do just that I'd say we should take it, but out of tax money when we're also debating things like whether to stop running school buses? No. Not a wise use of public funds.

I guess that's it for Nicki's election recap. M and I stayed up until past midnight watching the coverage, and as predicted, I cried when they called it for Obama. (I have yet to listen to his victory speech or Romney's concession.) Then she went to bed while I checked Tumblr and Facebook and then spent a couple of hours knitting because I was too keyed up to sleep. I guess it was about 3 when I got to bed, and yet I woke up at 7:30 too excited to go back to sleep because *Obama won!*

I've been a lazy bum all day today, just knitting and watching TV and cuddling dogs, which I think I deserve after the past couple of months. Probably I'll regret it later when I'm down to pretzels and hummus for dinner because I didn't cook anything to eat during the week, but, eh. Right now that's a price I'm willing to pay.

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Mary Russell series

2012-10-24T23:19:54Z

Have I talked about this yet? Laurie R. King's Marry Russell series is my new favorite; I read The Pirate King first because it's about the 1920s, pirates, The Pirates of Penzance, and a brilliant lady sleuth. It's book eleven in the series, though, so now I'm going through the rest of the series in order.

Russell (as she's often referred to in the books) ends up married to Sherlock Holmes at some point and I totally ship it, even though there's a substantial age difference and he was initially her mentor/teacher/semi-parental figure (Tamora Pierce fans, think Daine/Numair). But I'm not to that point in the series yet.

I'm like 20% of the way through book 2, A Monstrous Regiment of Women, and Russell and I have just fallen in love with feminist leader Margery Childe. Well, I'm disappointingly certain that Mary Russell/Margery Childe will remain subtext only, but come on. Russell (who narrates the books) even compares how she feels about Childe to how she feels about Holmes. The tension and mutual fascination in their first private conversation is a glorious thing and obviously I'm not through the book yet but seriously how do people not ship this!?

I'm about to scrap the Pepper Potts thing and write a Mary Russell AU in which she ends up with Childe instead of Holmes, so there. I never do anything with my NaNo novels after I write the first draft anyway, so it doesn't matter if no one but me cares about the story I'm telling.

Anyway. Fans of smart resourceful ladies and early 20th-century settings, I recommend you check out this series. Every book I've read so far is a Bechdel-pass too, with fully realized supporting characters both female and male.

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writing about writing.

2012-10-24T17:15:58Z

( and where on the internet I've been recently. )

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YULETIIIIIIIIDE!

2012-09-27T15:40:46Z

Nomination brainstorming list:

Twelve Houses - Sharon Shinn
Thursday Next - Jasper Fforde
Shades of Grey - Jasper Fforde
ETA: The Pirate King - Laurie R. King
Mystery Men
~~Zoolander~~ waste of a Yuletide nomination when all I really want for this is threesome porn
Pirates! Band of Misfits/ Pirates! In an Adventure with Sceintists
The Princess and the Frog
~~Tangled~~ naw, there's a relatively large number of fics for this already
ETA: Brave (ETAA: possibly Brave/Tangled, i.e. Merida/Rapunzel, because that seems to be a thing?)
Missing/1-800-Missing (and, er, I should finish watching the series...)
ETA: Futurama

Still thinking. This is very much a list in progress.

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kitchen meme!

2012-09-25T02:24:40Z

From shipperx

Rules: Bold the ones you have and use at least once a year, italicize the ones you have and don't use, strike through the ones you have had but got rid of.

pasta machines
breadmakers
juicers
deep fat fryer
egg boilers
melon baller
pastry brush
cheese boards
cheese knives
crepe makers
electric woks
salad spinners
griddle pan
jam funnels
pie funnels
meat thermometer
filleting knife
egg poachers
cake stand
garlic crushers
martini glasses
tea strainers
bamboo steamer
~~pizza stones~~
coffee grinder
milk frother
~~piping bag~~
banana stands
fluted pastry wheels
tagine dishes
conical strainer
rice cookers
steam cookers
pressure cooker
slow cooker
spaetzle makers
cookie presses
gravy strainers
double boiler
sukiyaki stoves (???)
ice cream maker
fondue sets
healthy-grills, (George Foreman?)
home smoker
tempura sets
tortilla presses
electric whisks (???)
cherry stoners
sugar thermometer
food processor
stand mixer
bacon presser
bacon slicers
mouli mills (???)
cake testers
pestle-and-mortar
gratin dishes
apple corers
mango stoners
sets of kebab skewers
Potato ricer
Pineapple peeler and slicer
Lazy Susan
Soda Stream
Lemon zester
salt pepper mills
espresso maker
Waffle irons
electric skillet
blender
toaster
toaster oven
microwave oven
~~electric kettle~~
coffee maker
can openers – mechanical or electrical
stick hand blender

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holiday exchanges?

2012-09-23T00:05:26Z

Does anyone know/care to speculate on the likelihood of Goldenlake holding a holiday fic exchange this year? Because if there is going to be one, we ought to list it in the Yuletide "Has Its Own Holiday Exchange" list.

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Jasper Fforde

2012-09-15T03:48:34Z

Has anyone read any Jasper Fforde? I'm three books into the Thursday Next series (in which Special Operations agents police fictional worlds and dodos are a favored pet) and I just wrapped up Shades of Grey (in which social standing is based on color perception and a significant problem in society is the relative lack of spoons), and I'm finding them fantastically fun.

Enough so to possibly do Yuletide after all.

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query

2012-08-30T15:22:11Z

Does anyone know if the "thirty days" fanfic prompt community is still around on LJ? I can't find it at a quick glance, but then, I also don't remember the specific URL.

Or if not, any recs for other good "prompt a day" kind of comms would be much appreciated. Because I think I really do need to get writing again.

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this. changes. everything.

2012-08-23T02:52:53Z

I just discovered that one can buy vision correcting swim goggles for about $20 a pair. See? Right here. I am positively giddy at the thought of being able to see what's ahead of me when I swim laps. (Yes, contacts, I know, but I've never yet been able to keep water from getting into my goggles so I don't think that's a good option for me.)

Right after we finish paying for repairing the clothes dryer and a new dishwasher, I am getting my eyes checked and then I will know my prescription and then I can get magical vision correcting swim goggles.

And also a gym membership so I can keeps swimming after next week.

*swoons*

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-07-24T21:34:00

2012-07-25T01:39:40Z

Unsettlingly, my bestie is looking at the "wedding" tag on Tumblr and reading the archives of OffbeatBride.com.

HOWEVER.

Occasionally that means she comes running up to me to announce that she's just seen a post about a lesbian pirate wedding at a bowling alley.

Lesbian pirate wedding.

With costumes. And eye patches. And swords.

How cool is that?

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-04-10T21:57:00

2012-04-11T03:11:29Z

I finished Mockingjay at long last, and I definitely have some Thoughts about it, but I'm not up to writing on it in detail just now. ( So 600 words will have to do. (Vague spoilers, more character-related than plot.) )

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-03-27T13:19:00

2012-03-27T17:58:41Z

It's 50 degrees so I was wearing a hoodie when I was out and about, hood up and hands tucked halfway into the sleeves, only this is a Statement now. I've gotten nods, grins, a couple of fist bumps. I'm wearing a hoodie and I'm not afraid to look my fellow pedestrians and bus riders in the eye, regardless of race, and this is a statement. It fucking shouldn't be.

I'm deeply ashamed of my people -- my country, my race. And I'm very, very scared of how things are going to play out through the rest of this year and beyond. Trayvon Martin was a "thug" and Rue's death "wasn't that sad" and I don't understand how people can think that way, I don't understand how people can live that way. I feel sick. My god, if you do have the occasional racially prejudiced thought, you should feel shame, and check yourself, and correct your thinking. Don't fucking act like it's no big deal, or worse yet like it's funny, or worst of all like you've been wronged. Suzanne Collins, I salute you. Geraldo Rivera, go fuck yourself. Trayvon Martin, may you rest in peace.

And what does this mean for our Black president in an election year when the opposing candidate wants to undo women's liberation and probably all the rest of the social progress that's taken place in the past 50 years? Racism is a scary thing in the US and it's frighteningly alive and present and ugly. And whatever happens in November there's a terrifying potential for violent protest from one quarter or another, and sometimes I hate this country.

How to divert attention from gay marriage and Occupy Wall Street? Attack reproductive freedom and treat people of color like they're not really people.

For the first time I'm understanding, really understanding, what my ex-hippie dad tried to explain when I was an idealistic 15-year-old with a lady-boner for the 1960s: it wasn't romantic, it was freaking scary because people were angry and you don't know what was going to happen or who was going to come out ahead.

This rant was all powerful and articulate in my head on my walk home and now it's just rambling, but I'm gonna post it anyway because you all should know where I stand on this.

I consider myself anti-racist. I consider myself a white ally. If I ever do come off as racist, or bigoted in any other way, please do call me out on it. I happen to think these things should go without saying, but given some of the bullshit white people say and do, I'm gonna make it clear right now. So. There it is. If that's a problem for you, there's an "unfriend" button at the top of the page.

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-03-23T21:32:00

2012-03-24T02:23:16Z

I paid $27 to download No Meat Athlete's Half Marathon Roadmap, so now I do have a solid training plan that I didn't just make up my own self. There's a lot of good pep-talky stuff too, all about keeping perspective and not freaking out if things don't go exactly as planned, and I probably need that.

Anyway, it starts out with some goal-setting questions, but maddeningly, it's not a fillable PDF form, and I don't feel up to battling my recalcitrant printer at the moment. So I'm bringing the questions here.

( rambling about running )

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i like this day.

2012-03-07T05:30:05Z

(except the part where our internet connection has broken 85 times in the past two hours...)

I got to sleep in, eat yummy food, watch lots of Classic Who and hang out with awesome people (Miriam and Cristina and also Charlie, who we know from Tumblr and who lives close enough to visit pretty easily). And no one called me from work.

I can have more days like this, please, universe?

Now I am feeling a little wobbly and over-socialized so I'm hiding out in my room, playing computer solitaire and listening to Alison Kruass, but it's good.

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-02-29T00:17:00

2012-02-29T05:26:44Z

Does anyone else find Tangled to be a distressingly realistic portrayal of the effects an emotionally abusive/manipulative parent can have on a kid? Of course Rapunzel is emotionally all over the place (one second overflowing with joy over the littlest things, and the next self-blaming and defensive and scared of her own shadow); she couldn't be anything else. She and Flynn get their supposed happy ending, but I'm positive it's going to be a long time before that girl can manage a healthy relationship of any kind.

In other words, I need fic.

ETA: Have I mentioned my love for A03 recently? I love with big puffy hearts. AND it seems I am not the first person to think it would be neat if Flynn Rider was a girl.

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-01-03T18:59:00

2012-01-04T00:18:35Z

I made a vegetarian (actually vegan) pot roast kind of thing today! It's good!

Have a vaguely recipe like thing. This is all in American units of measure because I'm kind of sick and don't trust my ability to do conversions right now.

1 lb carrots
2 lb potatoes
1 smallish onion
1 fennel bulb
1 pkg (8 oz) tempeh
some olive oil (2 tablespoons?)
salt, pepper and minced garlic (1/2 teaspoon each?)

Heat the oven to 425 degrees. Dice the veggies and tempeh. If you like your onions caramelized, saute them for five minutes or so to start them cooking (I didn't do this and I wish I had). Mix everything together in a bowl, then transfer to a baking pan (the kind you'd use to make brownies or something -- mine is 9x13 inches). Roast uncovered for 45 minutes to an hour, depending on how well done you like your veggies. After the first 30 minutes, stir the roast every 10-15 minutes so it cooks evenly.

Makes about three servings as a main dish. I'm eating mine with cheese on toast.

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Sherlock

2012-01-03T19:53:52Z

My latest fandom love is BBC's Sherlock; S2 began airing on January 1. I'm still processing my thoughts on it, but I can say I loved the first episode and can't wait to see the rest. (I believe there will be three, each about 90 minutes long, so in American terms it's more like a "mini series.")

But I'm having a little bit of a crisis over the fact that I am so much in love with something for the male characters. Every episode so far has failed Bechdel test (there are several interesting female characters, but like everyone else in the story, they exist only in relation to ~~the two male leads~~ Sherlock himself, not to each other), which at one point would have kept me from watching the show at all. I am bothered by specific instances of sexism in the storytelling,* which I have sadly learned to expect from Steven Moffat. But I like other aspects of the show enough to keep watching -- and reading fanfic -- for Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. (Sherlock says things about relationships and labels and people's priorities and the way our brains work, and it's all fascinating)

*( Minor spoilers under the cut. Possible other spoilers in comments, if any other Sherlock fans want to talk! )

Anyway, I think I'll just go with it, and enjoy fangirling the show and ~~troll AO3 for Irene!fic~~. But then I need to throw myself into a fandom-place with more ladies, hopefully one with lots of femslash potential.

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peroxidepirate @ 2012-01-01T14:20:00

2012-01-01T19:32:53Z

For those who don't know, my dog Clara is the most energetic, pestiferous, pushy, bratty, annoying, trouble-making little knee-high creature I have ever encountered. She makes up for it by also being the most loving and affectionate animal I have ever known.

I was on a run with the dogs today when a passerby stopped me and asked to meet them. This happens from time to time, and they love people, so I just issue a warning that Clara jumps and then let them make friends. So she petted Streak and Clara and then went on her way. By this time we were walking the last stretch toward home, and the woman we'd just met was running, so of course Clara tried to take off after her.

"Clara, walk nice!" I said. "Try not to gag yourself on the leash, hm?"

Our new friend turned back. "I'm sorry, but what's her name?"

"Clara."

"Oh." She was walking back to us by then. "My dog was named Clara, too. I had to have her put to sleep yesterday. She was fifteen and a rescued dog."

And my little pest, besides being generally affectionate, is very good at providing extra love when someone really needs it. She wiggled right up to the other Clara's mama and licked her hands and looked up with her big brown eyes, and both of us humans started crying.

"Thank you," she said, before she went on with her run. "It's kind of nice, for New Year's Day."

Miriam and I call it, "Clara magic." That absolute and unconditional love and affection that can improve even the worst possible day, and that makes it worth dealing with her sensitive stomach and unreasonable amount of shedding and all the brattiness. I'm glad she got to share the Clara magic with someone else who needed it.

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peroxidepirate @ 2011-12-30T20:47:00

2011-12-31T01:52:37Z

( year end meme questions, no answers, for your copy-pasta convenience. )

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Merry Christmas

2011-12-25T15:37:01Z

Happy Christmas, friends!

I got a fantastic Magids fic for Yuletide! And books and t-shirts and workout equipment and candy and coffee for Christmas!

Also, I made M. a Doctor Who scarf (my sister-in-law made the Tardis cross-stitch in the photo), which is finally finished! Well, it still needs a fringe, but the body of the scarf is done.

I got to see both my parents and Brad and Janet and Cute Nephew last night, but it was overwhelming because there were ~10 members of Janet's extended family there, too, and also two babies, and their house isn't really big enough for all that. "Breakfast for dinner" as a holiday meal is brilliant, except it meant our hosts were cooking for two hours while the rest of us drank and made awkward conversation. Mostly it was good though.

Today I need to do some boring household stuff, but also M. and I have big plans to watch ALL the Doctor Who Christmas specials.

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Dreamwidth and LJ

2011-12-24T02:02:46Z

I have both! I'm going back to crossposting to both for now. If we have each other friended one place but not the other, let's fix that! (And if I don't have you friended at all and you'd like me to, drop a comment!)

my Dreamwidth
my LiveJournal

I don't feel like talking about the politics of all this just now, because I've had a difficult couple of days and it's Christmas Eve-Eve and I prefer to think about puppies and knitting and food and Doctor Who. (ETA: And Sherlock. *flails*) Cool?

I also have a Tumblr, which does not mirror the other two. It tends toward the shallow and pictorial, with lots of foods, cute animals, pretty ladies, and "Texts from [fictional place]" reblogs. You can follow me there if you like!

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waves

2011-04-05T18:00:51Z

Oh, hi, Dreamwidth.

I've been posting on my LiveJournal account exclusively, lately, but now LJ seems to be broken. For the time being, you can find me here and on tumblr instead. Random or not-so-random friending/following is welcome!

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Hunger Games

2010-10-01T04:58:22Z

All right then.

I just finished listening to The Hunger Games, and... wow. Just, wow. I don't have the words to describe the power of the story; if anybody hasn't read it, do so now -- but be prepared to get sucked in for twelve hours, more or less continuously, and to not be able to stop thinking about it once you're done.

Miriam has the sequel, Catching Fire, in actual book form, and Mockingjay in audio book again, so I'll probably borrow them both. But ( minor spoiler )

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OTP

2010-09-28T04:40:33Z

I'm sure I'm on record somewhere, saying I'm not an OTP sort of girl. ( There's so many possibilities, you see. )

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